Questions from Stephen's Blog

If you could visit any place~real or imaginary~where would you go?

Narnia.


If you could meet any character in any book, whom would you meet?

Leia Organa-Solo.


If you could be any age, how old would you be and why?

29. Young enough to be free and flexible, old enough to be secure in myself. Besides, it's a pretty sounding number.


If you only lived to be 30, what would you hope to have accomplished (or if your already or older, what did you hope to accomplish)?

I want to inspire women, to be the women they were designed to be.


What was the hardest thing you ever had to apologize for?

To God. For sucking at life and letting Him down.


If you had to spend 10 years of your life in jail, which 10 years of your life would you choose and why?

60 - 70. I would have seen my children grow up, the birth of some of my grandchildren, and enjoyed many years with my husband. In my twighlight years, maybe I could bring some joy and wisdom to the other inmates. And I would get out in time to enjoy my final years in freedom, surrounded by my family.


If you could choose dying with your best friend and dying alone, which would you choose?

Is he dying too? In that case, alone. Death isn't that scary, I'm not afraid to be alone, and my children need him more than I do.


If your plane was about to crash, but you had about 5 minutes to write a note, what would you write? Who would you write it to?

My husband. Simple: I love you, I love our children. Love Jesus always and teach our children about Him.


Of all your family members, whose death would affect you the most?

My children. Probably my son the most, because he is my first born.


If you could change one about your physical appearance, what one thing would you change?

Well, I'd like better fitness, muscle tone and flexibility. Does that count? I'm generally pretty happy with myself.


What has been your biggest accomplishment so far?

I can't decide between guiding my children on their birth journey's, through the core of my being, or providing perfect sustenance for them in the early part of their lives.


If you could ask God any question, what question would you ask?

Can you take me on a tour of this universe, starting at the Big Bang, then moving on from there? We've got all eternity, so take your time.

Who is the best example of a Christian that you know and why?

My Grandad. He is still allowing God to convict him, to change him and to reveal more of His mysteries at the age of 73. I hope I am still such a willing disciple at that age.


In your opinion, what is the biggest obstacle that keeps people from believing in God?

Fear.


If God agreed to do one thing to prove he exists, what would you want him to do?

I don't know. I kind of like that God isn't too much of a showman and He does things in an understated way. The evidence is there if you choose to see it.


If Jesus went to your school, what one group would he hang out with the most?

Me. Jesus always hung out with the losers of society.


If God is good, why does he allow pain and suffering in the world?

If we weren't separated from Him, how could we know the true joy of restoration?


If Jesus wanted to hang out with you this Friday night, where would you take him?

He can come to my place for dinner any time He wants. He likes kids, so I'm pretty sure He'd feel right at home.

If there's only one God, why do you suppose there are so many religions?

A couple of reasons. People like to make their own god's up to suit the way they want to live life. I also believe that their are many facets to Truth and each religion touches on and explores one of those facets. There is only one that encompasses and opens up the entirety of Truth.


What parts of the bible do you have the hardest time believing?

God seems so mean to women sometimes. I have trouble understanding why when I can see the beauty of His heart that we reveal.

If someone were dying and asked you how to know God, what would you tell that person?

You are separated from God. If you die like this, you will be separate from Him for all eternity. Jesus makes it possible to restore you too Him. Accept your unworthiness, accept His sacrifice, accept Him.


Do you think God is happy with the way he is represented in the world?

By Christians? No.


If you had one minute on national tv to say something about God, what would you say?

Atheists: Evolution doesn't disprove God. Get over it.
Christians: Creation science sucks arse. Intelligent design is philosophy, not science. Get over it.

The only way to find God is to look for Him with an open-heart and a switched on mind.

If Jesus were to follow you around one day, is there anything you'd differently?

I'd probably stop sounding like a sailor whenever I opened my mouth.

Do you believe it's acceptable to watch R-rated movies?

Yes. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with a movie just because it has an (R) next to it's title.


Do you believe there's music Christians shouldn't listen to? If so, what music?

Yes. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or convicted.


What about TV? If so, what shows?

Same as above. If you feel like you are doing wrong by watching it, don't watch it.


Do you believe it's okay for Christians to have guns in their homes? Why or why not?

Yes, if that is what they choose. There is nothing wrong with guns in themselves.


Is it okay for Christians to drink if they're of age? Why or why not?

If you do not have an alcohol problem, or do not work or associate regularly with people who have alcohol problems, then there is no reason not too. Unless you feel some sort of personal conviction, then the choice is yours.


How would you define racism? Is it still a problem today?

Stereotyping on the basis of appearance. It always has and always will be a problem. It is the nature of humanity.


Do you believe a Christian can be a homosexual? Why or why not?

Yes. I don't feel the need to answer such an obvious question.


Is abortion ever ok? If so, when?

Yes. In the case of an ectopic pregnancy, or a similar situation involving the guaranteed death of the mother. That is my personal choice. I don't, however, believe I can impose that belief upon other women.

I am woman, look on my loveliness

It's been very long time since I posted; with two young children on the move its hard to find time for anything else but them!

God has just astounded me a little more each day over the last 6 months. I have been a christian for 19 years and I have grown more in the last half a year than I have in the entirety of my previous christian walk. I feel so stupid for resisting the lessons God has been trying to teach me for years until now; if I had have known it would be this awesome I would have let go years ago!
I think the key to the change in my heart is the acceptance of my God given femininity and subsequent access to an entirely new part of God heart and mind. Women in our culture are taught to be go-getters (think about the 'women can do anything' bumper stickers), they are taught to be busy, organised and efficient. I don't believe that is what the female heart is meant to look like, what it is designed for. If you look at the differences between the structure of the male and female body, men are all lines and angles, hard muscle, but women are soft, curvy and inviting. I have spent my whole life with goals and a detailed plan of how I am going to achieve those goals; always planning, always efficient, and always feeling like I am failing myself miserably, but not really understanding how.

I have let go of all those plans and finally (feel God breath an exasperated sigh of relief!) allowed Him to take over completely and lead the journey. The path He has taken me down is enchanting and awe-inspiring in its detail and simplicity. I know that makes no sense but I don't know how to explain it, and I probably will never be able to do the story any justice because my little heart still doesn't understand it completely! It started backwards, God gave a long, long term goal: heaven. The thought of dying genuinely excites me! Don't get me wrong, I love being alive, every day is a joy for me, but if God decided that tomorrow He wanted me home then I'd be a little dissapointed because we are having perfect weather right now and my kids are at a really lovely age, but there is no feeling of fear or anger at the prospect. With that as the long term goal, my outlook on the rest of life seemed to shift. Then God introduced a new goal: midwifery and mission work. But He also said (and if took me a while to hear this) that this is also a reletively long term goal, we are talking 15 - 20 years away (which seems long but it isn't really). That has defined my life further and also made alot of my previous dreams and passions fall into place. My heart and mind make more sense now, in a way I feel like God freed me to be who I am. I love pregnancy, I love babies, I even enjoyed labour, and I have always been fascinated by how it all works (since I was about 5 or 6 years old). I studied science at university and reproductive biology was my favourite subject, so was developmental psychology, but I was so full of my own plans for how my life would go that I completely missed God's plan! Duh!

With my head finally in the right place, He showed me the now. I am a women, I am not like men, nor do I want to be like a man. I don't have schedules or dead-lines, I don't timetable my days within an inch of my life. My husband provides that kind of structure, he gets up and goes to work at the same time every morning and comes home at the same time in the evening. My children have a bed time and a loose nap time and eating structure during the day and we have different activities for different days (Monday is cleaning day, Thursday is baking day, etc), and within that basic but regular and dependable structure, I am fluid, and I and my children are flourishing. So is my husband for that matter. Whilst I need his structure to balance my fluidity, he in turn needs my flexible and relaxed attitude to balance him and bring him calm and rest. Women are God's beauty incarnate, and it is hard to be beautiful when you are harried, and my children and husband need to see my beauty, it is refreshing for them, like sitting by a shady spring. Women are also a picture of God's inviting, open and vulnerable spirit, I can't be softly inviting and vulnerable if I'm working to a series of deadlines, and my husband and children need to know they have a soft place to fall whenever they need it, day or night.

The bonus that I never thought I'd have in all of this is my new understanding of my incredible husband. In accessing and releasing my feminine heart, I can finally see and appreciate his masculinity for what it is. I think that as we are telling women to be men, we are also telling men to be women. We want to harness and control their masculine souls (and I am seriously guilty of that in my marriage). Ben is dangerous, untamed, risky, and the more of a women I become, the more I revel in his maleness and I can see him slowly coming out of himself as he feels that acceptance. There is no formula here (like so many marriage books give you), there is just a female heart, mind and soul needing maleness to balance itself, and the male heart, mind and soul passionately responding to the call! It doesn't feel contrived, it feels comfortable and safe, as well as thrilling all at the same time!

God's design is mind-boggling, we can't even comprehend all of its facets most of the time. It's no wonder we try so hard to tame the plans and designs down, the unknown is a very scary place, especially when its as wild and untamed as most of God's heart is! But the boundless rewards are worth the risk!

Lesser Men?

Does this mean that the other men women are in love with are always lesser men than Jesus? What form does the love for Jesus take compared with the love for the other man?


Of course they will always be 'lesser men', Jesus is God so its kind of hard to beat that! However, it goes both ways. Where husbands are meant to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and that's a big ask, wives are called, in Genesis, to be an ezer kenegdo, often translated helpmate (stupid translation) to their husbands. This is a big ask for women, the only other times the word ezer, meaning sustainer, is used in the bible is to describe God. We are asked to be a sustainer beside our husbands as God is a sustainer to His people; we are guranteed to fail because we are not God and we are not perfect. So husbands and wives are called to fulfill roles to each other that God has first filled, and both cannot live up to the original.

Our love and relationship with God comes first, for both men and women. Both husbands and wives need to look to God, not their partners, to meet their needs first and foremost. We then enter our relationship with our partner as a whole and satisfied person, we don't rely on our spouses for our emotional fulfillment or our self-esteem because they will let us down and ultimately they won't be able to handle the pressure and the marriage will break down. Just because the relationship and love we have for God is mirrored in our relationship with our husbands does not lessen or cheapen our marriage, rather it strengthens it. We also have a relationship with God that is mirrored in our parents, that doesn't make them any less our parents, in fact it means we can forgive them and give them grace when they fail because we have God to be the perfect parent to us.

(The information regarding women as ezer kenegdo was sourced from 'Captivating' by John and Stasi Eldridge.)

Prodigal Daughter

Wow, that was a super interesting blog. You are painting a masterpiece featuring Jesus your perfect lover. Why are you non deserving of what God gave you?

Excellent question, Wil! I'm loving your questions, they are making me quest deeper into my heart to figure out why I believe what I believe.

I am the prodigal son. I took my inheritance as a beautiful creation of my Father God and I blew it on the world. Cheap pleasures, pointless prestige, material possessions. None of these things are what I was made for, they cheapen me and they are second best to what God had for me if I had have stayed in His house. And after a time I was ruined, on my hands and knees in the pig muck, wondering where it all went wrong. The world sucked all the life out and left me with nothing, and I turned my back on the best thing I ever had, a place in the house of my Creator and Father. I remember like it was yesterday the day I dragged my pig mucky self up the driveway and I saw to my amazement, my God running to scoop me up in His arms. I remember saying, 'I don't deserve anything, I'll take whatever your willing to give, just the scraps, the dredges, I've ruined everything, you can't want me anymore, but I want you.' But He laughed through His tears and said, 'Bring out the fatted calf, we are having a celebration!' He took my ruined clothes, bathed me, clothed me, restored me to my former glory as an heir in His household! I DON'T deserve anything. That's the truth. But His love and grace covers over all my failures and makes me new and pure again. I want to be like Paul, I want to show my weaknesses so that the grace and goodness of God will be evident for all to see. I want people to look at my life and say, 'Look at what God has done, isn't He awesome, aren't His works beautiful'. I don't want them to look at me and think that I am wonderful in my own strength.

I hope that answers your question!

Lover

Relationships that we have on earth, in this physical universe, are ultimately representative of the relationship we have (or don't have) with God. For example, we have a relationship with our parents, and we can have a similar father-child relationship with God. Of course, God is perfect, so He will not let us down like our fathers have. Also, now that I am a parent, I have the oppurtunity to see myself as God's child through a parents eyes, and I can see how heartbreaking it must be for Him when I a disobedient because I have felt that heartbreak.

The most meaningful relationship I have in my life right now is the one I have with my husband. In the eternal quest to become a better wife (and mother) I have been studying the bible and other good books, but it seems, I don't know, too cliched? Nobody seems to take into account the gut-wrenching feeling of exposing yourself and trusting your husband only to be let down by him.

I have since realised that leaving it too one, finite, imperfect man to fulfill my need to be loved unconditionally and given copious amounts of grace, cared for tenderly, pursued passionately, quietly and gently listened too, is asking too much. Its not fair on him. He is doomed to failure from the start. Then it occured to me (not a unique revelation, I'm sure many people have come to this conclusion before me!) that Jesus needed to supply all of my emotional needs as it is only He who will not let me down. We often call God our Father, Master, Friend and I had heard Him called Lover before, but the full extent of that statement had never hit me before. Lover, as in the relationship that I would have with a husband. I could and should relate to Him as I would my husband and He would pursue me, romance me, call me beautiful, languish in my presence just happy to have me close by; all the things a husband should do to uplift and honour his wife. I don't know why, but that just blows me away. There is a place in God's heart that is empty and will never be complete without me. And I did nothing to deserve the love and grace that that entails, it is mine because He created me for Him to love. I'm having trouble capturing this feeling in words, they are falling far short of the mark! I feel just like a girl who has just been kissed for the very first time by the wonderful boy she has been in love with for the past year! You know that feeling where your heart is so full it could burst, you can't stop smile and every second or third step is a skip? That feeling of having a secret that no one else knows, and it is yours to treasure forever. That might come close to how it feels.

Now I don't need to rely on Ben for that. It is still necessary for a flourishing relationship but instead of demanding it of Ben, I can learn how to give him what he needs from me as a wife and eventually draw it out of him. How I relate to Jesus, my perfect Lover, will build Ben up if I do the same for him. I need to trust, honour, applaude, wonder at him. He needs to know that I think he is amazing and I couldn't do without him, I trust his decisions 100% no matter what the result, and I can only find good things to say about him. This is how I instinctively treat God because of what He does for me, now I have to treat Ben in that same manner, not because he deserves it, but because I don't deserve what God gave me. That will fill Ben's heart to overflowing and eventually lead him closer to God and he will become the man he was created to be.

I love being a woman. I'm so glad that when God envisioned me, He envisioned me a woman. I can't wait to stand before Him totally restored, in all the glory He first created for me and to be scooped up into His infinite arms forever. My soul aches for that day.

Change

I was watching Dr Phil today (hey, I need to do something while I'm ironing my piles of washing!) and there was a young girl talking about her addiction to shopping. The rush she got when she bought something, and how good it felt to come home and put it in her closet. That was me. I created so many problems for my family by my need to buy new clothes, jewellery, and make-up. I always needed more things, I couldn't tell you why, I just needed more.

I was shopping with my husband the other day and he convinced me to try some things on. They were so beautiful and I felt so good in them but when it came to buying them I was calm and logical and I worked out what I really did need and whether or not it would fit into our very tight budget. I felt liberated. I knew we could afford it, I didn't buy too much, I knew I needed it and I have worn it dozens of times since I bought it. But it didn't have any effect on my self-esteem or my self-image.

God has changed me. I know who I am and I don't need 'things' or people to help define me anymore. I feel so free, like I'm flying inside, or more like I am a beautiful flower, blossoming. I didn't even recognise the change happening but when I look back I can't believe the person I have turned into. No longer do I have to conform to societies idea of who I should be! I am anti-conformist! (I am also turning into a hippy, but that's a story for another day!)

Defending our faith

1) As a christian community do you believe we are prepared enough to defend our believes to a fallen world?

If yes, why?

If no, what as christians do we need to start doing to better prepare ourseleves in defending christ?

I have been thinking about this question for many days now and have written and re-written responses, but I have never really felt God in them. I was listening to Focus on the Family this morning and I finally heard what I needed to hear. No Christians are not prepared to defend our faith, but that's because we are looking at it from the wrong angle.

In sport they way the best offence is a good defence. Many Christians live their lives by this mantra, but I would contend, the best defence of the Christian faith is a good offence. This is the presentation of the gospel, based on sound biblical knowledge, demonstrated by a transparent life that is being transformed rather than conformed. (Adapted from Josh McDowell).
Now I have defined what it is for Christians to 'defend' the faith, what has to change for us to be doing a better job? There are many things we can do to improve our witness, but I propose there are two activities that are essential.

We need to get on our knees before God, open-hearted, setting aside our petty worries and doubts and coming into unencumbered communion with Him. As we empty ourselves in submission and allow Him to fill our minds, hearts and spirits, He will give us His wisdom, heart and passion. This is the most essential need in our lives to instigate change, to become transformed into by the renewal of our minds rather than allowing the world to control and conform us.

The only offensive weapon mention in Ephesians 6 is the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God, the bible. We need to spend time reading and studying the bible everyday, developing our understanding of God and what we do and do not believe. We cannot just rely on what we are told at church, or what we read in the latest fad Christian book, nor can we truly own our beliefs if we only spend 10 or 20 minutes in 'quiet time' a day. We need to keep our weapon from rusting by constantly honing it using God's wisdom as the whet stone.

My kids are tearing the house apart so I don't have time to spell or grammar check this!

Allowing God

I was spending some time in prayer recently, well, not really prayer, I was just quietly enjoying God's presence. It's been such a long time since I have just sat, knowing He is close but not having to fill the space with pointless words. So much has happened lately, so much of my self exposed to air after being buried for a lot of years, I wanted to know what God wanted from me. God started to show me something of myself, like an image of my soul, that essential part that is me. It was a shadowy image, broken and desolate. Matted hair, dirty face, shredded, blood-stained clothing that were once white. Open, seeping wounds, a picture more suited to the streets of Calcutta than western, middle-class suburbia. That picture is exactly how I feel inside, ugly and diseased, not fit to be seen by anyone.

As I watched, I saw God slowly try to strip away the rags, and to my surprise, I reacted pretty strongly! I could feel the word NO come raging up from my gut. "This is ME", I screamed, "These rags, these wounds make me who I am!" As soon as I said it I could feel the response coming back, "This isn't you, I made you and this isn't what I made you to be but you INSIST on holding all the hurt and pain inside like battle scars to be proud of." In that moment, I let it go. Everything in my life that has ever happened, all the shame, all the anger at being wronged, all the hurt at being abandoned, I let it go to God, let Him worry about it.

Why do we insist on dealing with everything ourselves and wearing our tattered rags when God could so easily take us and clean us up? Do we like being diseased and ugly? Are we afraid of what we'll see in the mirror if we allowed God to transform us into the radiant, holy beings He envisaged us to be? Maybe thats it, we are so used to the picture in the mirror, so used to what we see when we look into our souls, that we are too afraid of the change God could bring if we let Him. We can't stand being out of control of our lives. I prefer to let my wild God paint the picture He wants to see when He looks at me.